Kelly

Apr 292013
 

Setting:  A young woman stands at the entrance of a shiny, fairly new Car Wash with a credit-card reader.  Behind her is a sign with the menu of services from least expensive to most.

 

Woman: “What’ll you have?”

Me, pondering the options: “Well, I’d like to get a wash and a wax.”

Woman: “That would be our EXPRESS 1.”

Me, squinting at the description: “I don’t see that it says ‘wax’ anywhere.”

Woman: “It’s our CARNAUBA PROTECTION.”

“Carnauba protection?”

“Yes, It’s a Brazilian wax.”

“A Brazilian?”

“Yes. It’s great stuff.”

Awkward silence.

“So you’re telling me that if I get the EXPRESS 1 with the CARNAUBA PROTECTION, then my middle-aged Toyota minivan with get a Brazilian wax?”

“Yes.”

Awkward silence.

“OK, then.”

“That’ll be $14.”

“Here’s my card.”

She swipes it and hands it back. “Excellent. Wait for me to hose down your front.”

 Posted by at 5:47 pm
Apr 242013
 

Jade Ethridge, a friend from High School, recently spread the word that our old band director, Gerry Waguespack, passed away.

When I read the news my mind immediately went back to the late seventies and to the fro I sported and to the band room at Acadiana High School where I played the trumpet. I imagined Mr. Waguespack,  standing on a beat-up platform banging his baton on an even more beat-up music stand yelling at us to get quiet.  He was short with wild hair, a walrus mustache and Marty-Feldman eyes that could somehow see through walls and bust you for being up to no good.

And in band, we were often up to no good.

As students, we had no idea that our teachers were real people. For the most part they were objects–hurdles we had to get past in order to graduate.  But there were rare exceptions.  And every now and then you walked into a room completely unaware that something miraculous was about to happen and you were not going to be the same person when you left.

Continue reading »

Mar 282013
 

What a morbid subject, right?

Imagine Hamlet, staring at the skull of Yorick and asking, “To be, or not to be.”

Or Edgar Allan Poe studying a raven while sipping a vial of absinthe and coming up with the word, “Nevermore!”

Or the grim reaper, clothed in a black robe, carrying a sickle and knocking on your door to let you know that the bell tolls of you.

That last image will forever be ruined for me because it always conjures up the scene in the movie Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventures when the two teenagers manage to escape the clutches of the reaper by grabbing the waist band on the butt-side of the his underwear and giving it a forceful yank, thus setting up the most memorable quote from the script, “Dude, I can’t believe we just gave death a wedgy.”

I absolutely love this quote, because I think it encapsulates why it’s important to talk about death from time to time.  It’s not to drown in the depths of doom and despair, but to wonder what wily ways we can wedgify.

Put in a more sophisticated way, when poets talk about death, they’re not really talking about death, they are talking about life.  And one of my favorite poems about death comes from Mary Oliver, aptly titled, “When Death Comes”

Here’s how it begins:

When death comes

like the hungry bear in autumn;

when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;

Now, if you were in church, it’s at this point that the preacher would probably say something like, “You better make sure that you’ve given your heart to Jesus or else you are going to Hell.”  Representing for many all they really want to know about death.

Fortunately poets tend to be much smarter than preachers, giving them a much better grasp of the subject.  And so when Mary Oliver stands at the threshold of death, she proclaims that she wants to be able to “step through the door full of curiosity….”

But in order to do that, one has to be ready.  And not just by walking the aisle and saying the sinner’s prayer.  Rather, as Mary Oliver continues, by being a “bride to amazement….”  A “bridegroom taking the world into my arms.”

 

Holy week is a time for us to reflect on how we can do just that.  On Maundy Thursday we pause to consider what it must have been like for Jesus to spend his last evening with his closest friends knowing full well that the next day he would be executed.  And in doing so we ask, “What would I do if I knew that today would be my last?”

On Good Friday we ponder the horrors of crucifixion.  And in so doing, we ask, “When death finally comes for me, will I be able to say in all honesty, ‘It is finished?’”

Finally, on Sunday, we explore the profundity of how spending a week contemplating death isn’t really about death at all. It’s about life.

When death comes for Mary Oliver, she says,

 I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,

or full of argument.

 

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

A long time ago, St. Irenaeus put it another way, “The glory of God is a human fully alive.”

And so there you have it, my dear reader,

the best way that I know of to give death a wedgy.

 

Happy Easter.